Bedeviled Guilt (republished from earlier facebook note)

I've always enjoyed Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal". As an aspiring writer, I can appreciate the difficulty in striking the right note with satire. But it also reminds me that behind every pack of feral street children one or more parents are likely MIA in some fashion.

I hate feral children, mostly because nothing can be done about them. You can't hit a kid, and can't find their parents. Direct action is fruitless, as the little bastards are unparalleled in destructive tenacity, and you only wake up with garbage on your lawn or your car keyed up.

Maybe we could just eat the little shits.

I always thought the name 'BIg Brothers and Big Sisters' was a compromise. Naturally, fewer people would seek help from a more judgmental organization named 'Because you fail as a parent' or 'Let me show you how it's done'. Regardless, the Nantucket chapter seems to do a decent job. There are far fewer punks running around here than in Hancock, Cleveland, or Ann Arbor, or even across the Sound on the Cape.

So why does your heartless narrator suddenly care? Selfish motivations of course.
1) I currently enjoy feral-free living, and would like it to stay that way
2) I am registered for a race, benefitting Nantucket Big Brothers Big Sisters, and
3) I am encouraged to solicit donations for said organization, since the race was unable to land a corporate sponsor this year. I have spent 16 weeks training for it, and am going to be really pissed if it folds.

I just registered at Active.com, and they set me up with a nice donation page. But I think they take a cut of all donations as a service fee, so fuck 'em. I am not thrilled with my involvement on Active.com. Regardless, if anyone feels so inclined, donate directly online to Nantucket BBBS. It won't count toward my total (so long, dreams of purple embroidered fleece vest made from recycled soda bottles), but I don't really care.

http://www.bbbsnantucket.org/events/index.html

I have mentioned the race in passing to a few of you. The full name is the Nantucket Iron Teams Relay, which is misleading, as it has an individual category also. It is like a rhoided-up triathlon that traverses the island, and consists of 6 legs in the following order: a 3 mile road run through town, a 1 mile surfboard paddle across the harbor, a 3.5 mile soft sand run, a 1/2 mile swim back across the harbor, a 19 mile bike, and a 6.5 mile road run back to town. I believe there should be a 7th leg drinking contest where each beer consumed lowers your time by 5 minutes.

I'll spare the training montages, except for a good conclusion - My dog, Sierra, as an analogue for feral children. She was a shelter dog, and can be a real pain when she isn't exercised, which is the fault of her owners. After our training runs though, she is sweet as a peach. Now Sierra is at least as intelligent as some of these street urchins, (definitely more productive) and had a hard beginning to her life too. But with the right handlers, she has become a productive member in human society with a little discipline and exercise. Morale of the story? Leash and walk your bitches.