High Time We Got to the Point (republished from earlier facebook note)

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/swimming/news/story?id=3901721

Am I alone in defending Michael Phelps?

(See my upcoming youtube clip, featuring Noah screaming "Leave Michael alone! Leave him alone!" while pulling out his hair.)

I don't even really like the guy. He was rude to Mark Spitz, is a poor speaker, and as a Michigan alumnus, I feel he does not represent the University well. But if you happen to be one of the sanctimonious 5% of former college students who did not get high, ever, good for you. Go back to your respective unicorn poster-hanging, quad preaching, or teddy-bear snuggling cliques. The cool kids are talking now.

We are easily forgetting our place and our own juvenile antics. Our past 2 presidents have openly admitted to past drug use. No one saw fit to open old leads in those cold cases. Seriously, does South Carolina, the last bastion of that old rebel flag, not have any more serious problems for police to investigate? Does someone getting high at a frat party 5 years ago really take precedence over the dozen or so odd sexual assaults and robberies bound to occur on campus this weekend?

Our government has missed the point for years on drug policy. Every action has had an unintended consequence. Stricter border enforcement led to more home grown growing and violence. Enhanced detection equipment moved growers indoors, creating more potent weed. Large scale operations became small closet jobs. Pot is more widespread and available now than I ever remember it being in my own adolescence.

Having failed on the supply side of the equation, we turn to controlling demand. Get high and you will lose your friends, grades, scholarship, and financial aid. You'll never be able to accomplish anything. A series off Drug Control Policy adds never failed to impart on me their message of guilt and fear.

With this we come to the real reason for the Michael Phelps backlash. He got high, and accomplished more than any one human being could ever hope to achieve. One leaked photo did more to subvert our government's position than any movie - from Up in Smoke to Pineapple Express - ever could. In their anger and impotence, law enforcement is being overzealous in their desire to punish Phelps for undercutting their last foothold in the war on drugs.

Instead of punishing Phelps, and going through the standard process of publicist-mediated apologies and suspensions, why not try taking a more realistic approach? Have Michael (in his haltingly terrible public speaking manner) talk about how he obviously couldn't accomplish his Olympic feat if he was high all the time. How there is a time and place for relaxing, as well as for focus and dedication.

I can imagine the format now. He could talk about how he would get up at 5 to start his workout, and would burn 2500 calories before the rest of us were up. He would mention the discipline to his diet, and his continued push to improve technique. Eventually he would get to the point and talk about sportsmanship, and win or lose, giving it your all so you can walk away and be happy with your results, and move on to the rest of your life. He could sum up by saying that if you are indeed beaten, you can move on without looking back, celebrate, and relax, and prepare to start over again.

And though I gather Michael lacks the sense of comedic timing of your humble narrator, he could turn to the South Carolina police officer left of the podium and say, "I think it's high time you moved on..."